This year’s handmade valentines

I’m happy to report we finished Corban’s valentines a whole day early, and I didn’t have to go to the store to buy any supplies for them. Success!

(Tulips to brighten up a freezing rain kind of day and celebrate that our cats are locked in our bedroom for a few days working on some training issues…which I will have to share another time. Oh, and cats in bedroom = flowers are safe from getting eaten by them.)

Last year we were the lame ones who didn’t give out candy with our valentines (which, as a parent, I am great with, but I know the kids get excited about little treats). This year, Corban’s school doesn’t allow any food with valentines (score) but we had a bunch of glow sticks on hand, so there’s our treat. And since puns are not only encouraged but celebrated on Valentine’s Day, here’s what we ended up with:

I traced hearts onto card stock while Corban and Mara cut them out.

Haddon got to be in charge of handing out washi tape while the big kids carefully taped the glow sticks on.

I fixed about a third of the taped glow sticks so they were in the right spots and wrote out the pun while the kids played, and then Corban addressed each with his classmates’ names and signed his name. Oh, and decided which color glow stick each person would like—very important.

Now they are safely tucked in a box so the glow sticks don’t crack before they’re delivered.

Here’s another fun and easy valentine we made one year…

…and a less easy valentine (for that special someone, not your kid’s class).

We also just turned fruit snacks into butterflies with heart antennae one year.

Handmade pop-up valentines

Handmade cards make me giddy, so when Corban had his first real school valentine exchange last year, we sat down together to make the cards ourselves. Corban requested pop-up cards. My goal was to just use what we had to make them. This was not a huge challenge, as I have a hoarder’s supply of paper and I’m a recovering clearance craft supply purchaser.

Here’s what we ended up with and how we did it.

First we cut the cards from cardstock and I had Corban cut two slits in the fold to make the pop up part.

Next I traced a bunch of hearts onto glitter paper and Corban cut them out and added smiley faces with permanent marker.

Corban wrote his classmates’ names on the front of the cards. We had just enough foam glitter sticker letters to use one for the first letter of every kid’s name.

He stamped a heart above the name.

Then he signed his name on the inside.

And finally we glued the hearts onto the pop-up tabs.

Sure, it’s more work than buying a pack of valentines and signing your name, but we had fun in the process and Corban was pretty excited about his cards.

This year Corban says he wants to make his cards again, so we’ll see what we come up with! And I do remember that choosing a box of valentines from the store was always super exciting as a kid, but I’ll save that joy for when I have multiple kids in school.

In other news…

I realize that it’s been a WHILE since I’ve written here, and I’m not sure what made me start typing up a post again last week. Maybe it’s that the only professional writing I’ve been doing for the past year plus has been medical/health related and I’m missing the more creative, fun topics I covered at the Journal Sentinel. If I can keep up posting here, I’ve got a lot to share. Much has happened in the past year!

Celebrating Chinese New Year

With Haddon joining our family, we knew the importance of incorporating his Chinese culture into our family. We do this in a lot of little ways—with the foods we cook, the books we read, the news we pay attention to, the songs we listen to and the places we go, to name a few.

Of course, we started celebrating Chinese New Year.

Last year, we put up a few banners we had purchased in China and ordered takeout from our favorite Chinese restaurant in Milwaukee.

This year we upped our game a little bit. I read up a bit more on the traditions and their meaning (a lot of polytheistic folk religion) and we planned things out a little better. I know our celebration is but a shadow of how Chinese families celebrate, but we are an American family with mixed cultural heritage, including Chinese, and so this is our American Chinese New Year.

On the front door I hung our large Chinese knot. We hung the festive banners we brought back from China in the kitchen.

This past weekend, we hosted a little Chinese New Year play date with two other families with children adopted from China. One of the moms is from Hong Kong, so she led us in making about 150 dumplings. I lost track of how many dumplings Haddon ate, but it was a lot, and he hasn’t stopped asking about them since. Good thing I have a bunch in the freezer and now feel confident that I could make them again on my own.

For the play date, I printed out some Chinese New Year coloring pages for the kids. They kept my kids entertained in the ensuing days as well. I also let them practice using chop sticks by seeing if they could transfer almonds, M&Ms and popcorn kernels from one bowl to another.

I displayed our collection of Chinese books (some from the library) by the fireplace for the kids to peruse. “Emma’s American Chinese New Year” is a particularly good one for us since it’s about a little girl adopted from China (although the slant rhyming in it drives me crazy).

The kids made red paper lanterns and I hung those in our kitchen.

On Chinese New Year’s Eve (the night most families celebrate), we picked up Chinese food and had my sister and her family over for dinner. The kids wore traditional qipao outfits we had purchased in a variety of sizes when we were in China. Basically it was just a regular rousing dinner with family, with kids screaming and running in every direction.

Before bed, I gave the kids lucky money in red envelopes—$2 each. Even numbers except the number four are good luck, and the price of a candy bar is supposed to be an appropriate amount. I wouldn’t pay $2 for a candy bar, but wanted to keep it even (also, really each adult is supposed to individually give each kid lucky money).

Two things I forgot about but had wanted to do—give the kids Mandarin oranges and do sparklers or party poppers. There’s always next year.

This weekend we’re planning on checking out a community Chinese New Year event at our local high school.

And that’s that! It’s been a fun week so far celebrating Chinese traditions and ringing in the Year of the Pig.

DIY Captain Underpants Halloween costume

I have a draft of a post from July still waiting to be published. I have two birthday party posts yet to be shared. But right now I want to share this year’s Halloween costumes: superheroes!

I don’t know how many years we have left of doing family costumes without any dissenters, so I was happy that Corban and Mara ended up on the same page with their costume selections: Flash and Wonder Woman (for a while it was looking like Princess Leia or Elsa were going to win out for Mara, but in the end she said she wanted “star underpants” — which, still, she did not get, but it was enough to convince her to join Corban in the Justice League).

This is Haddon’s first Halloween, so I had almost full control over his costume since he had no concept of the holiday. Going along with the superhero theme, Haddon’s pick was a no-brainer. I knew he’d actually be excited (and not just confused) to dress up as Captain Underpants. After the five of us saw the “Captain Underpants” movie this summer, he has had an affinity for running around the house in a diaper and cape shouting, “Captain Underpants! Tra-la-la!”

My original ambitions were to make everyone’s costumes myself, but time got the better of me and we ended up ordering Mara’s and Corban’s on Amazon so we’d have them in time for some festivities two weekends before Halloween. I was actually really impressed with their costumes, considering they were both $20 or less. Here is the Wonder Woman costume and here is the Flash costume. I ended up sewing the Wonder Woman belt to the dress just to keep it in place (a tiny stitch just at the center of the waist, not all the way around), but otherwise they both worked just fine straight out of the package.

Captain Underpants seemed simple enough to make, and I also found the store-bought versions really creepy, so that was my project this year. Here’s what I did.

(Past DIY Halloween costumes: Berenstain Bears, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Peter Rabbit, a mouse)

The bod

Nude long underwear is apparently difficult to find in toddler sizes (though for an older kid, this would be perfect) so instead I bought a white long-sleeve shirt, thick, cotton tights and a package of tan Rit dye.

This was my first experience dying clothing, and it was really simple to do on the stovetop, although the shirt ended up with some weird dark dots on it (not ideal but I don’t think it was too noticeable). I used the powder dye, so maybe the liquid dye would be more reliable? The color turned out darker than I was anticipating. It worked fine for Haddon’s skin tone, but for a fairer child you would probably not want to leave the clothing in the dye for the full amount of time.

The underpants

I drew lines with permanent marker on a pair of white underwear to match the look of Captain Underpants’ underwear.

The head

To achieve Captain Underpants’ bald-headed look I crocheted a simple skin-toned beanie for Haddon. This also was convenient because it ended up being fairly chilly for our trick-or-treating last night. Here’s the pattern I followed (via video). I am not a crocheter—I’ve crocheted two or three hats in the past but that’s it—yet this was simple enough to knock out in spare moments here and there over a few days.

The cape

I bought this $6.99 red satin shawl and cut it in half (the other half became my Supergirl cape). If I owned a sewing machine, I would have hemmed the cut edge, but un-hemmed it survived trick-or-treating and a Halloween party with only a few stray strings. To make the cape fully authentic I drew seed-shaped black dots on it with a permanent marker.

That’s it! Totally doable, and Haddon loved his costume. You could also add a plunger as an accessory, but Haddon had enough work just carrying his candy bucket.

Other Halloween notes:

At the last minute I decided to dress up as Supergirl—literally 10 minutes before trick-or-treating started I printed out a Supergirl logo and pinned it to a blue shirt, pinned the remaining red scarf into my collar for a cape and cut a strip of yellow fabric and tied it around my waist with a red skirt. Pure luck that I already had everything for that one.

Peter’s Clark Kent costume included woodworking safety goggles since he couldn’t locate any normal fake glasses in our house.

Haddon was my pumpkin-carving sidekick. He mainly enjoyed sticking his hands in the pumpkins and playing with the scooped-out seeds. I roasted the seeds to perfection this year (I’ve found the best route to success is soaking the seeds overnight in a bowl of water with lots of salt before roasting).

I managed to carve three of our five pumpkins (the kids lose interest after about 10 seconds so it ends up being my solo project). They got to choose the designs, though, and I’m sure you can guess who’s pumpkin is whose.

All in all, it was another very fun Halloween, made even more special by getting to introduce Haddon to the holiday and share in his excitement.

Haddon at three years old / home two months

Note: I am backdating this post since it’s been written and waiting for photos to be added for months(!)

The other weekend (end of July), almost exactly two months after we got home from China, Haddon turned three. We celebrated with a party at our home with family and neighbors—a celebration of Haddon and the wonderful addition he is to our family. (More about the party in a separate post.)

At three years old, Haddon is a happy, cuddly, smart little guy. He laughs a lot and is very engaged with our family and the world around him. He’s easy to love—an adorable, sweet, obedient, fun kid. I am so thankful he is receptive to all the affection I shower on him—I can’t help but kiss my kids hundreds of times a day and if that were uncomfortable for him it would be really hard for me to resist!

As well as Haddon seemed to be doing a month ago, we have seen a lot of growth and positive changes since then as he’s settled in with our family. Here’s an update on Haddon Michael at three years old, two months home, 11 weeks since he officially became a Sherwood.

Play

Almost imperceptibly there’s been a shift in Haddon’s play from mostly independent play to more interaction and engagement with Corban and Mara. He and Mara tend to be two peas in a pod. My two three-year-olds (for the next month) can often be found pushing each other around in a stroller or ride-on toy or playing side by side with the same toy.

Haddon still loves cars, trucks (especially) and play food. He loves balloons and riding (with a lot of help) his balance bike. Slides, swings and merry-go-rounds are his favorite park activities. When I close my eyes and think of Haddon I see him pushing a Tonka truck around the driveway and filling it with mulch and grass—it’s his modus operandi.

Language

Haddon’s English has exploded over the past month! He not only understands a LOT but speaks mostly in English when he is talking to us, especially when he wants something.

For a while we were doing a lot of reading “100 first word” books and the like, and he picked up and practiced a lot of animal and object names that way. Now he not only can identify many things in English, but he strings words together and speaks in short sentences. Some that we hear a lot: “Where did Corban/Mara/Daddy go?” “I want ____.” (All day long!) “Daddy get in car?”

He parrots us a lot, which is funny when you know he has no idea what he’s saying. His pronunciation of most words is a little off, but we understand most of what he says. He’s an eager learner and asks, “What is this?” ALL the time, wanting to know the English word.

He continually surprises me with words he knows—he loves this one book about shapes and correctly points to and says “triangle” and “circle.” He requested “window up” in the car the other day (he meant “down,” but still!), which was something he just picked up from hearing us say it. It seems like every day there’s something new.

Haddon finally started calling Mara by her name (he says “Naya”) instead of calling her Corban. He also has successfully figured out how to tattle on his siblings: “Mama, Corban be naughty!”

He still says a few things in Mandarin (“up” when he wants to be picked up and “ow/it hurts” when I buckle his car seat too tight or his food is too hot) and will shout out Mandarin words when he’s being silly and playing rough or talking to himself. I will be sad to see him lose his first language completely but I know it’s bound to happen no matter how many Mandarin songs we play in the car or words we use interchangeably in both languages.

From a sweet shower Peter’s co-workers threw for us.

Physical development

Haddon started physical therapy in June and goes once a week to work on building strength in his left leg. We do stretches on his ankle every day and he was fitted for a leg brace that he’ll get at the end of August to keep his left ankle at a 90-degree angle so he can get his heel down when he walks. (Meanwhile, he’s worn through the left toe of three pairs of shoes.)

He’s definitely making improvements! His ankle is noticeably more flexible. The biggest advancement I’ve noticed is he can now go up and down a single step without any assistance. I watched him practice over and over on our deck one day—this is one determined kid.

We finally had Haddon’s ophthalmology appointment and found out he is extremely farsighted (like +6.5!). He just got his glasses in and is pretty good about keeping them on (I think he likes being able to see). I happen to think they’re pretty adorable.

Despite being healthy overall, we’ve had too many doctor appointments to count at this point (including PT sessions). We had five in four days one week. Thankfully we only live about five minutes from a Children’s Hospital clinic with almost all specialties there. Haddon has kept a smiling face through all the appointments (for the most part). I’ve learned childcare for the other two is essential if I want to stay sane through the appointments.

Attachment

Haddon’s attachment to us and ours to him remains strong, but this month I really noticed him relax around us and especially around others. He isn’t as shy as we originally thought. Since he feels more secure with us now he engages more with strangers and new friends.

He’s opened up in little ways, like he started singing to himself sometimes or joining us in songs he knows. When we met his foster mom she told me he liked to dance to kid music, but we hadn’t seen that until this past month. Now he has some ridiculous dance moves and busts them out regularly, even in public like at an anniversary party and at a library song/dance event.

At the beginning of July we took a 10-day road trip to Missouri where we stayed in four different homes and rental condos throughout the trip, went to a waterpark, amusement park (thrice), lake, Fourth of July party, family reunion with 50+ people… and Haddon handled it all with no issues. I honestly couldn’t believe it — I thought he’d be overwhelmed by all the people or be nervous sleeping in new places, but he just embraced it all and had a blast. I think that says a lot about his attachment!

Sleep

Sleep is AWESOME right now. Each nap time and bedtime we read two to three books, pray, sing “Jesus Loves Me” (he was mesmerized by that song the first time he heard it and it seems to calm him down really well) and lay him down in his crib with his blanket and panda. We tell him we love him and say goodnight, then walk out and that’s that. The least drama-filled bedtime I could imagine!

Haddon naps two to three hours a day and sleeps from about 8 p.m. to 7 a.m.

Even napped at a water park!

For the first two months, we kept his book options to just a couple that he seemed to like so he wouldn’t be overwhelmed. We read “It’s Time to Sleep, My Love” every single nap and bedtime and he loved the routine and familiarity. This month we expanded so he now has five to ten favorites and is happy to read new books, too.

Food

Haddon’s still a great eater. He loves meat and eggs. He isn’t a huge fan of cheese (Peter has an ally now) or vegetables but drinks a ton of milk. He’s usually the first one to start eating and the last one to finish. Meals would go on forever with him if we let them.

Potty Training

In my last update potty training was going really well and progressing naturally, but I put an intentional halt on it when we went on vacation at the beginning of July. Sadly, Haddon’s enthusiasm sort of halted with it and we haven’t had much progress since then. I’d say right now he’s ready but unwilling. It’s on my list to tackle seriously in the next month.

Family dynamics

We felt some growing pains during this time period. Haddon fits right into our family and has adjusted amazingly well — essentially seamlessly — but I think the rest of us have been knocked ever so slightly off our orbits by the changes. Three kids has just felt overwhelming to me, and I can tell Corban and Mara have been testing some boundaries as they figure out the new normal, especially since I’m now home full-time instead of working.

In regards to Haddon’s relationships, he has grown a lot closer to his siblings in his second month home. He and Mara are often on the same page as far as what kind of silliness they’re into. They laugh and play easily together, but also compete fairly directly for my attention. Mara relished her status as baby and Haddon is now finally getting the babying he never truly got before, so obviously there’s some tension there. For the most part they are really sweet together, though.

Corban tends to be on a different level than Haddon, but will take time out to show an interest in him. He no longer calls him HaoLei, but he often refers to himself in the third person as gege (big brother) in an effort to woo Haddon.

They always hold hands in the car.

Haddon imitates his big brother and sister (both good and bad) and has become much more engaged with them as his trust and comfort with them has grown. Now that he understands so much more English, he’s much better at sharing (although there are often turf wars over a particular recycling truck and fire truck).

With Corban’s and Mara’s birthdays, I always find myself thinking back to the day they were born, and Haddon was no different…except I don’t actually know anything about that day. But I do know as a mom that carrying a baby for nine months and giving birth is a huge deal, and no matter what Haddon’s biological parents’ reasons were for leaving him at the orphanage a few days after he was born, I have to imagine they think about him on his birthday. So I was thinking of his biological mom that day and praying for her.

I’m not sure if birthdays were celebrated at Haddon’s orphanage or in his foster home (my guess would be no, but I really don’t know) but I was praying for his foster mom, too, who I know misses this sweet little boy.

One month since we adopted Haddon

Well, where to begin? We’ve been home from China three (almost four now) weeks. It’s been one month, six days since Haddon became part of our family  (I keep adding to that number because this post has taken almost a week to write). Life is very different from just six weeks ago, when we left for China!

The overall theme is joy. Haddon has attached to us really well so far and we have attached to him. He is taking all the changes surprisingly well and is an overall happy kid. We love this little boy and it all feels right — like he belongs here with us.

All of the above may not seem like a big deal, but it really is. There are so many sticky spots with adoption and I don’t take for granted the fact that things have gone so smoothly and the love is naturally flowing in both directions. It’s a grace from God and we are so thankful.

I’ll go back and write in more detail about our time in China (in short, it was amazing!) but right now let’s focus on the past three-ish weeks.

The journey itself home from China was not fun. Everything went as planned — we are so, so thankful there were no delays or hitches — but traveling for more than 24 hours straight on little sleep and with a two-year-old is just never going to be easy. I felt bad for those seated around us on the flight from Beijing… they heard more than a little crying and screaming.

But our arrival in Chicago was beautiful. We were so happy to be home and my entire family was there to greet us with Corban and Mara, and signs and cupcakes. Haddon instantly perked up after crying through customs (which did get us to the front of the line, by the way) and just had a blast running around the airport with his siblings and cousins.

It was a sweet greeting, and I’m so glad our friend and photographer Anna Sparks was there to document it.

The first few days home were emotional and overwhelming. Our house was a complete disaster in every way. We were jet lagged. Haddon had nights and days mixed up. I was sick for a couple days on top of being in a haze of sleep deprivation and overwhelm, grateful for friends and family reaching out yet not ready to re-enter normal life yet.

Peter went back to work right away on Monday (we got home Saturday night) and I am so grateful my mom came to help out for a few days. She helped with meals, kid-wrangling and cleaning. Without her it would have felt impossible to move beyond the piles of laundry, suitcases and just generally dirty house (that’s what happens when cats are the only inhabitants for any amount of time). It also would have been daunting getting the kids all to nap at once!

Thanks, Mom!

Haddon was overwhelmed by our house at first. In China he lived in a small apartment with four foster siblings, and then in a hotel room with us — he’s always been surrounded by people at all times. So our four-bedroom home is a change for him. For the first few days he would start to panic if he was in a room alone even for a few seconds. Nothing too intense, but it was a sign to me that we needed to keep his world small for a while, as adoption experts recommend.

So our first week was spent at home recovering, playing, cleaning, helping Haddon explore our house and neighborhood and minimally venturing out (both for Haddon’s sake and mine — I was terrified to take all three kids somewhere on my own). We cleared our schedule but still played outside with neighbors and had a couple drop-in visitors. Even with minimal stimulation the days felt busy and exhausting, for Haddon probably even more than me.

We’ve attempted to keep that quiet, low-key lifestyle up but even when I don’t go out of my way to make plans, somehow we end up doing things. That’s been fine for the most part. Corban and Mara basically beg for social opportunities, and Haddon’s attachment to Peter and me is strong and he is happy to be out and about too, so we’re rolling with it and slowly adding more as it’s comfortable.

Three across in a Ford Taurus for the win!

We’ve had friends over to play, met friends at parks, gone to beer gardens, had Peter’s parents visit for a day, gone out to eat (once), gone to church, etc. These are a lot of things that attachment experts advise against in the first few weeks, but like I said, Haddon’s attachment to us is strong and these are things that just feel appropriate and necessary for our family’s happiness. Going forward I think we’ll be at normal activity level. We even went to the pool today with friends.

One of the biggest blessings of this past month (aside from Haddon himself, who is beyond wonderful!) is how loved and supported we’ve felt from our family, friends, neighbors and even people we just met, barely know or haven’t talked to in ages. It is incredible and makes me tear up just thinking about it. The emails, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, prayers, meals, gifts, cards, offers of help… I’ve at times felt overwhelmed but, oh my goodness, is genuine care from those around you not the best thing to be overwhelmed by? I thank God every day that He has brought people into our lives who are so supportive and generous with their words and time. Without all this support this all would be so much harder. It’s a beautiful thing to feel the warmth of community and I wish every family going through a big transition would feel this kind of embrace.

A meal from a friend… huge blessing!

Some areas to note about Haddon (if I’m on top of things I’ll update monthly (OK, maybe bi-monthly?) to track progress):

Play

Haddon plays independently really well — his favorites are toy cars, our play kitchen, musical instruments and the kiddie pool (he would probably choose to live in that thing). He runs around with Corban and Mara but otherwise I think it’s still hard for him to truly play with them — both because of the language barrier and because he tends to be really possessive of the toys he’s playing with. I’m not sure if that’s an issue relating to being in an orphanage setting or just normal toddler behavior. Probably both.

Language

In China, we tried to speak to Haddon in our limited Mandarin and not throw too many English words at him. He came to us speaking simple Mandarin sentences, but I’m not sure how wide his vocabulary actually was/is. We have learned some basic Mandarin words and phrases (which, by the way, I love and want to continue learning) and can generally figure out what he’s saying as it relates to a need or desire.

But oh is it exciting to watch him learn English! Upon our arrival home,  he had learned to say “I love you,” “good morning,” “diaper” and “bye bye,” without us really trying too hard to teach him.

Within his first day or two home he knew our cats’ names and “gentle” a.k.a. our mantra to him when petting the cats (also, he’s obsessed with the cats! They can usually cheer him up if he’s fussy). He calls both Corban and Mara “Co-ban.” Slowly but surely he’s started using more and more words on his own and in context: All done, potty, baby, fish, deer, otter, dog, ball, baby, banana, fan, drink, milk, hungry, etc…

I remember how exciting it was when we first realized Corban understood certain words and could point out pictures we named in books. It’s no less exciting to hear Haddon point to a picture of a ball in a book and say the word in English, or say to me at dinner “milk” and “drink” when I forgot to bring his cup to the table. You can see his little mind at work as he looks at something and tries to recall the right word in English. It doesn’t happen super often but more and more he is attempting to speak English and it feels just as magical and unexpected as hearing our biological kids speak their first few words.

Physical development

Well, we’ve had three doctors appointments so far and many more scheduled. Some of them are standard appointments every adopted child has: child development center for initial evaluation, pediatrician for vaccines, ophthalmologist, audiologist, dentist. It was not mentioned in his medical file but we learned our first day with Haddon that he walks on his toes on his left foot, causing him to limp. So for that we’ve seen a neurologist and rehabilitation doctor and will also see a physical therapist and orthopedic specialist. We’re certain we’ll have follow up eye doctor appointments based on our observations. So by the end of the summer our doctor appointments count will be well into double digits. It’s kind of like cramming all the visits you have in the first few years into a few months.

The important details: Haddon has cerebral palsy, which affects the muscles in his left leg. It’s a scary diagnosis but doesn’t change what we already knew about him: he’s smart (cerebral palsy is caused by a brain injury but it does not affect cognitive abilities) and he still gets around just fine, running and playing like most kids, and with therapy should be able to walk fairly normally. Right now it looks like treatment will consist of a leg brace and physical therapy. We have started doing ankle stretches with him and already his achilles tendon seems to be loosening up a little.

Haddon seems small compared to Corban and Mara, but is on the growth charts at around 30-40% for both height and weight. So he’s small for a Sherwood, but not that small really. It still feels like none of his clothes really fit, though! I think he’s somewhere between size 24 months and 2T, if that’s even possible. He wears about size 5 1/2 or 6 in shoes (but his only shoes that fit really well are from China so I don’t know that they translate exactly to a U.S. size).

Attachment

We’ve been blessed with quick attachment to and from Haddon. He started calling us Mama and Baba on day one and really seems to understand we’re his and he’s ours.

We have not been super strict about letting other people pick him up or help him with things when we’re in social settings. I never wrote a letter to friends and neighbors explaining attachment or cocooning, like some adoptive families do, and honestly have not really laid out any “rules” for friends and family (don’t feed, don’t hold, don’t offer too much affection, etc.). I figured Peter or I would just be there with him anytime he’s around others and be able to take care of his needs. Well, with two other kids in our care it doesn’t always work out that way! But I think we’re beyond the point of it really mattering, and since Haddon is pretty wary of strangers to begin with it hasn’t been a big deal if someone helps him tie his shoe or holds his hand while he walks up a couple steps. He does not show indiscriminate affection and is quite shy around new people.

While in China, Haddon seemed to be more attached to Peter, but since day one here at home he switched into Mama mode. I’m sure it’s because I’m the one home with him every day and I put him to bed most nights. He does ask about Baba throughout the day though (he started repeating, “Baba at work,” and that seems satisfactory even though I know he has no idea what it means).

Sleep

I don’t even want to know how many hours in the past month we’ve spent lying silently next to Haddon’s crib waiting for him to fall asleep. Every naptime and bedtime in China meant lights out, all of us lying down and pretending to sleep. It wasn’t always a quick process.

At home, Haddon sleeps in a crib in his own room. For the first few weeks, I would lie down on the floor next to his crib while he fell asleep. If he would wake up in the middle of the night (a normal occurrence at first, especially with the jet lag!) I would go back in and lie down. He would cry if I would get up and leave before he was asleep, so many nights I spent hours lying there (and falling asleep myself).

After about two weeks or so of that, I was going crazy feeling like I had no time away from the kids, and Haddon was taking longer and longer to fall asleep, watching me closely to make sure I wasn’t going to try to sneak out. It wasn’t working for any of us.

Now, one of us puts him to bed with a story, prayer and song, then tucks him in so he’s turned toward the wall (and not straining to watch us) and sits in the rocker in his room for a minute or two before leaving. He sometimes cries for a minute before quieting down and going to sleep. Although I think it was necessary for us to make him feel comfortable and secure in the first few weeks by lying down in his room, this is now a much better plan for all of us.

We had sent Haddon a care package in China with a photo album and a stuffed panda, and I’m so glad we did. His panda (or Mao Mao, as he calls it — panda is Xiang Mao in Mandarin) is his comfort item and he holds it and pets it while he falls asleep. When he’s tired and fussy, if we hold him and give him Mao Mao he calms down right away.

Food

Haddon is a good eater for the most part. His favorite foods are meat, eggs, dried seaweed, grape tomatoes, bread and fruit. Unfortunately there aren’t many vegetables I can convince him to eat, and oddly he doesn’t seem too crazy about rice. He eats very independently and is skilled with a fork and spoon.

Even though the milk in China is different from our milk (the stuff he drank was shelf stable instead of fresh), Haddon didn’t bat an eye at the switch to regular milk. He loves the stuff and drinks a lot.

We hit up our local Chinese grocery store last week and Haddon got really excited about some snacks he spotted there. It was cute and we stocked up on some of the snack foods we became familiar with in China (we are all fans). It’s nice that we have a local spot to find those things.

Potty training

I am back to cloth diapering. It was a tough reality to face at first but I guess it’s like riding a bike.

In China Haddon was not potty trained at all that we know of, but from the start he has shown signs of being ready. We didn’t want to push it until he was fully adjusted here though.

Well, looks like we are already boarding the potty train (ha) and I think the cloth diapers will be packed up again before long. Haddon has gone on the toilet a number of times in the past week, and has even initiated it himself a few times, saying “potty” to us. He gets really excited each time he uses the toilet successfully, so I think it’s time to make a sticker chart and make it official. He’ll be three in just over five weeks so this isn’t surprising.

Family dynamics

This has been a big adjustment for Corban and Mara too. They are handling the changes well (both the new brother and me being home full-time), but it can be a test of my patience since there are still the normal arguments and competitions but with a third one thrown in the mix.

There are times when Mara wants to be babied by me, and times when she tries to baby Haddon. Neither scenario goes very well. I think one-on-one time for her and me is going to be important in helping her get the attention she desires. Today was a rough afternoon for Mara so tonight I took her to Costco with me after Peter got home and it really changed her mood around. She was such a delight (and oh how much easier it is grocery shopping with one kid instead of three!).

Corban verbalized some disappointment in the early days with the fact that Haddon doesn’t speak English (yet). I think the language barrier makes it harder for them to fully connect right now — they are eager to show and tell him things, which is tender and adorable, but since he doesn’t understand everything there’s still a disconnect. There have still been a lot of sweet moments. When Haddon wakes up in the morning or after nap, the first thing he says is, “Corban?”

Corban is often eager to help Haddon out, and he still calls him by his Chinese name, HaoLei, most of the time and I find that really sweet. All three kids love listening to this CD we have that includes traditional English and Mandarin nursery rhyme songs. That music in particular has been a connection point for them, I think.

I always want to remember Corban and Mara’s intense eagerness to give Haddon his gift they picked out — a really cool toy car — on our first night home. That night they all wore matching pajamas and were giddy with excitement.

Overall, things have gone really well in our first month with Haddon. Each day brings new discoveries and joys, and we couldn’t be happier that he is part of our family.

Packing for China

We leave for China today!

Packing for this trip has seemed overly complicated. We will be gone for 18 days and so want to pack light, but we also want to make sure we have everything we need that will be harder to find there—like medicine, for instance.

Then there are complications like, well, all the paperwork we need to bring, the gifts for officials (small, practical items as a token of appreciation—this is important in Chinese culture) oh and clothes and items our son Haddon will need.

We don’t really know Haddon’s size. We have measurements, but they seem a bit unreliable. But toddler sizes are forgiving, so 3T clothes with a few 2Ts will do. We have his shoe size, but again, there is some question there, so I’m bringing two pairs of Crocs in two different sizes (they are forgiving shoes anyway). Thankfully I have a whole bin of cute shoes that Corban wore when he was younger so I just picked through it and didn’t have to buy any. I did end up buying some new shirts for Haddon because I just couldn’t resist.

I’m also bringing a few of our favorite books to read to him (unfortunately some are board books, so heavy and bulky), stickers, balloons, a couple small balls, race cars and stuffed animal for him.

The gifts are something we were told not to stress about. We decided to buy Wisconsin ginseng tea (Wisconsin ginseng is high quality and prized in China) to put in small red gift bags for officials. My friend we are staying with in Beijing will get tea and whole ginseng, and Haddon’s foster parents will get whole ginseng. I also made a locket with Haddon’s picture in it to give to his foster mom. Made one for myself too!

As far as my clothes go, I’m pretty happy with how much and what I packed (at least from my room pre-trip, ha). The weather will be warm (on some days HOT) so no need for bulky items or jackets.

I’m bringing three pairs of shoes: tennis shoes, Teva sandals and nude ballet flats. Three dresses, including one that is quick dry fabric so I can hand wash it easily. Two pairs of pants: leggings and quick-dry joggers for our four flights (there, back and two in country). Two pairs of shorts: running shorts if I decide to work out at hotels and quick-dry shorts I can wash easily.

The rest of my clothes are tank tops and a couple T-shirts,  light sweaters and workout tops. I did splurge and pack light sweatpants and a light zip-up for lounging in the hotel room, because I know after a long day I’ll want those comforts.

I think I could have pared back even further and planned to wash more tops, but I’m guessing I won’t want to spend too much time doing that, and my tops are mostly light tanks that don’t take up much space.

The biggest weight in our suitcase and stressor to pack was all the meds we are bringing. Pain relievers, Pepto Bismol, Tums, Immodium (it’s common to get sick from the food or water so we are trying to be REALLY prepared!), child medicine, mini first aid kit, lice remover, hydrocortisone cream, vitamins, cold medicine, Sudafed, nasal spray… and more I’m sure. I put them all in a plastic shoebox that we can later use to back breakable souvenirs on the way home.

Toilet paper too! We’ve been warned about the public bathrooms there.

One other key to our packing sanity—packing cubes! They’re those green and blue zipper containers, and I’m so thankful they exist. They will help us keep everything organized (we will be staying in three different cities while there) and help crunch things down so you can fit more.

We fit everything into two large suitcases, two backpacks and a medium-size purse. We are also packing a large duffel bag in the suitcase so we can fit anything we buy while there in the suitcases and check the duffel filled with dirty clothes on the way home. Just under the 50 pound weight limit for both bags (phew!).

So why am I blogging about suitcases when we are leaving on the most exciting trip of our lives today? Nervous energy, I guess! 

I’m finishing this post up from the airport where we are munching on some Mexican (thanks, Rick Bayless) and awaiting our flight to Beijing. I will try to update throughout our trip, wifi and VPN-dependent, but for quicker and more reliable updates, subscribe to my email list I’ll be keeping in touch with hopefully: tinylettter.com/alisherwood

China, here we come!

Our family is growing! Why adoption?

In two weeks, we will legally be a family of five!

No, I am not pregnant — and this is something we’ve been actively anticipating for much longer than nine months: adoption.

So, first, the exciting details. It’s a boy. He is 2 years, 9 months old. He lives in Harbin, China. His English name will be Haddon, after (or inspired by) the theologian C.H. (Charles Haddon) Spurgeon. Peter and I leave in just over a week to bring him home!

I had intended on documenting the entire process from the start here, but instead found it easier to share this journey via conversations and prayer requests to friends rather than by sitting down and typing it out. At some point I do want to go back and write more about the details that led us to this point, though.

First, I’ll tackle a question I’ve gotten (not surprisingly) a lot. What made you decide to adopt?

I think if we didn’t have biological kids or were older than we are this question might seem nosy, but for a relatively young couple with a healthy boy and girl, adoption is puzzling, or at least curiosity-inducing, to a lot of people.

I understand why and don’t begrudge anyone for asking. Most people think of adoption as something for people who can’t or don’t want to have biological kids. Adoption is a great choice for those people.

Or they think of adoption as something for very saintly people who want to give unfortunate children a better life. Adoption is the only way millions of kids worldwide have the opportunity to grow up with a family. (Though I would say saintliness is an unhealthy motivation for anything in life, including adoption.)

The reality is adoption fills a need and desire for both parents and children, and I think it’s healthiest to acknowledge both parties’ needs.

So the short answer to “what made you decide to adopt?” is because we want more kids and there are kids out there who need families.

From the start of our relationship, Peter has talked about wanting to adopt. Before then, I had never really considered it, mainly out of ignorance. It just didn’t cross my mind, but I had no qualms about it. As we talked about it more and because Peter felt strongly about adoption, it quickly became a foregone conclusion as we thought about the future. We are fortunate to have come to know a number of adoptive families over the years and that just encouraged us even more.

So the superficial “why” I sometimes find myself reciting to people quickly when they ask why we are adopting is, “We’ve just always wanted to.”

But there’s more to it than any of that. Why do we feel called to be one of those families when it would be far easier to just have more biological children? Why would we choose to take on the expense—monetary, emotional, mental, physical—of adoption?

Our deeper motivation comes from looking at our status in relationship to God. Through Christ’s redeeming work for us, we “receive adoption as sons.” (Galatians 4:5) We are born under the law, but through Jesus we are called sons of God, receiving the full inheritance of Christ.

In Romans 8:14-17, Paul writes:

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

The Creator of the universe loved lowly, little me enough to adopt me as his child. Adoption is a beautiful, mysterious picture of our relationship with our Father—not because we were born His, but because he pursued us and made us His own children.

I’m not equipped to explain it all very well in my own words, but John Piper has an excellent exposition on adoption, where he lays out eight similarities between God adopting us and us adopting children.

Number seven is especially moving to me. A snippet: “The distance between what we are, and what God is, is infinitely greater than any distance between us and a child we might adopt. God crossed the greatest cultural barrier to redeem and adopt us.”

Jesus paid the greatest price for our adoption, so any cost we bear in adopting our son is pennies in comparison. We rely on God’s grace for the strength we will need for the job (just as with parenting our biological kids) and rest in His promises.

Corban’s 5th birthday party

I have fond memories of my fifth birthday party. It’s always stuck in my mind as one of my favorite childhood birthday parties. I don’t know if there are pictures or videos recording parts of it (probably, but I haven’t seen them in decades) so all that my mind really has is a vague sense of fun and joy, and memories of jumping in a bouncy house in our backyard on a warm summer day.

It’s strange to me that my firstborn is now old enough to have these types of memories for himself—perhaps an internal recording of excitement and happiness that will stick with him in the coming years. With that in mind, I wanted his fifth birthday party to be a special one.

(I should note it was nearly three months ago, but birthday parties are apparently the one thing I feel obligated to record here regardless of how long it takes me to do so.)

While I wanted the party to be special for Corban, I also wanted it to be really simple for me to plan. After Mara’s Three Little Pigs shindig a few months earlier and his pirate party last year, I wasn’t really up for DIY and creativity. So I booked a party at our favorite local gymnastics place (Swiss Turners) instead of hosting it at our house.

The party included an hour of gymnastics fun for Corban and a small group of friends followed by a half hour of scarfing down pizza and cupcakes and opening presents in the party room upstairs.

The kids had a blast in the gym. The two instructors did a great job keeping the little ones in line (with some parental support).

Pretty much all I did was jazz up the invitations provided by Swiss Turners, bake cupcakes, slice some raw vegetables and make a birthday banner. We didn’t need to do much to the party room.

I used two tried and true recipes: Fresh Strawberry Cupcakes and Buttermilk Chocolate Cupcakes with this fudge frosting.

There isn’t much else to say about the party. Corban had a ton of fun with his friends (he said the trampoline “boat” game was his favorite) and it was sweet for me to just sit back and watch him and the other kids run, jump and play.

I shot a bunch of blurry, poorly lit photos to try to capture the moments. Here are some highlights.

It’s a little late to end by saying “happy birthday, Corban,” so instead I’ll get emotional for a moment after looking back at these photos.

Five is such a milestone age in my mind. It feels lightyears older than four, and it’s the age at which Corban will go off to school for the first time. (Sob!) Birthdays are such a bittersweet reminder of how quickly the months go by and how fast our little people grow and change. I love this boy so much and am enjoying every stage with him.

Berenstain Bears Halloween costumes

We did another full-fledged family costume this year for Halloween. Last year it was Jake and the Neverland Pirates. This year: Berenstain Bears (yes, that’s how it’s always been spelled).

Corban discovered the Bear family thanks to the extensive collection of books my parents have from when I was a kid, and these past few months we have been compelled to read multiple Berenstain Bears books a day. You can’t get away with shortcuts with Corban either—he notices if you skip so much as a sentence.

This is a good thing, though: good moral lessons, childhood reminiscence, enjoyable storylines. Naturally, Corban draws connections between the Bear family and our own family of four. He is Brother Bear, Mara is Sister Bear.

So despite a new Star Wars obsession that has them plotting next year’s costumes already, they were excited to dress up as the Bear family for Halloween.

You can’t just go out and buy a Berenstain Bears costume (I looked and came up empty), so we had to get a little bit creative.

Thankfully, I came across this Etsy shop, which sells handmade embroidered Berenstain Bears masks. They only come in kids sizes, so they looked slightly off on Peter and me, but they were perfect for the kids. Without these masks the costumes would have been really obscure, especially since the Berenstain Bears are not normal-looking bears.

Brother Bear was the easiest: blue sweatpants and a red long-sleeve polo (found at Old Navy).

Papa Bear was simple, too: Overalls and a yellow plaid shirt.

My original plan for Mama Bear was to buy a blue nightgown and paint white polka dots onto it, but upon realizing how expensive even the most basic long-sleeve nightgowns and dresses are (at least the ones that I could find), my mom offered to sew me a dress. She has years of sewing experience and has made many Halloween costumes throughout my life, and I’m grateful for her expertise and eagerness to help! She used blue polka-dot fleece fabric and modified a basic dress pattern, adding a white collar.

Sister Bear was my project. For her shirt, I just used fabric paint to paint pink polka dots onto an old long-sleeve shirt of Corban’s. I could have bought a pair of regular pink overalls, but Sister’s overalls are slightly different—they have scalloped straps and a straight line across the front and back (no bib). So after hunting around unsuccessfully, I got inspired by something I saw on how to turn an old pair of jeans into shorts overalls.

I bought two pairs of pink fleece sweatpants (thank you, Walmart) and went to town. First, I cut two rectangles out of one leg of one of the pairs of pants in order to bring the waistline up to nearly chest-height. I sewed those two pieces together then sewed them to the waist of the other pair of pants.

Unfolded:

No hemming needed with fleece; yay!

For the straps, I put the newly modified pants on Mara, measured the length the straps should be and cut a scalloped pattern out of poster board.

I took the other extra pant leg and cut along the seams to create two long rectangles of fabric. I folded each long rectangle in half lengthwise and cut the scalloped line out of the open side. Then I pinned the edges to prepare to sew them:

I carefully sewed along the scalloped edge.

Then I turned them inside out and ironed them flat (in the photo below, the top strap shows it before being turned inside out and the bottom one after).

I sewed the front of the straps to the front of the pants, and my mom sewed snaps onto the inside of the back straps and back of the pants. The snaps ended up being unnecessary, though; Mara just pulled the straps up over her arms. I did end up pinning the shoulders of her shirt to the straps so they wouldn’t fall down (thanks to the double layers of fleece, you couldn’t see the pins).

Oh, and the kids were super excited to wear these gorilla feet slippers we spotted at Walmart. They look enough like bear feet, I guess. They weren’t the easiest to walk in while trick-or-treating, though.

I also concocted some furry gloves for all of us by sewing some felt pieces to cheap cotton gloves to make it look like fur was coming out of our sleeves. If I were to do that again I would have hot-glued the felt…my quick hand-sewing job didn’t really hold up. Mara also refused to wear them, so there’s that.

It was a fun Halloween weekend: costumed play date party Friday morning, adult party Friday night (my solo Mama Bear costume isn’t quite as cute without the rest of the fam…), pumpkin carving and trick-or-treating Sunday and a Halloween party for the kids at our gym this morning.

Hard to believe we are entering November already!

Past years’ Halloween costumes: Pirate/Tinkerbell (2015) | Peter Rabbit/bumble bee (2014) | mouse/cat (2013) | lobster (2012)